"Seaweed Baby," a poem by Steve Subriz (His video of him reading the poem at Stone Soup is posted below), has spawned a number of sequels and tributes written by himself and others. I'm ashamed to say I'm part of the bandwagon now, inspired by Steve and a friend's recent poem retelling the myth of the minotaur. *sigh*
Bull-Headed Baby
That's right. I'm a bull-headed baby.
Yes, I know you won't be coming any closer.
It's a good thing I'm strong enough
to free myself from the seaweed
and don't have any horns to tangle them into yet.
Yes, I know I speak as well as you stare.
I know they call me Minotaur.
My real name is Asterion. Yeah, that'll stick.
I'm a bull-headed baby who's had to grow up fast.
It comes from you Mom having sex with a bull.
Yeah, I think I had that same look
when she told me that bedtime story.
And just in case you think
there's some kind of metaphor or allegory
you're missing out on, or that I'm a
victim of symbolism, let me say this:
MY MOTHER HAD SEX WITH A BULL.
She even had a bull made out of wood
to help her do the job, for Before-Christ's sake!
I'm a bull-headed baby, a future trophy
waiting for some girl to walk by and scream
and some moron holding something sharp
looking for a chance to impress her.
if I were carried out by the tide tonight
the toddler who threw this seaweed at me
before running away and tripping
on a seashell--they'd call him the hero
who vanquished the bull-headed baby.
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