Octopus Jesus
Octopus Jesus has similar problems
to Starfish Jesus, but he's comforted
by the idea that he could have
the coolest holy symbol ever.
But his comfort is cast aside
when considering his followers,
who confuse him with Cthulhu Jesus.
Cthulhu Jesus doesn't exist (yet)
but this doesn't stop Octopus Jesus
from worrying about it.
Octopus Jesus was last seen
opening for Lolapalooza
for the commedians and slam poets
before they were all drowned out
by the Nirvana wannabes.
He denies ever being on the Warped Tour,
and you don't want to ask him that again.
Octopus Jesus has been around
for too long. He thinks about
becoming Cthulhu Jesus for a remake.
There's no plan behind it,
but Sexy Bitch Jesus has taught him
that sometimes plans are the last thing
anybody will ever look at.
But again, when today's horror
is tomorrow's plush toy,
what chance is there for him?
It's hard to be scary, or impressive,
when your miracle is walking on water,
and only the children find it cute,
your tentacles droping because
you can't hold them up in a
multi-savior stance anymore,
the eight-in-one healing trick
harder to pull off every day.
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