I Wrote A Post, Then I Went to Therapy: About My Open Letter to Summer

I want to apologize to those friends who might have read my post-summer post.(and one who definitely did) and thinking it was an attack on anyone specifically.

When I wrote that blog post, I expunged my feelings of not belonging in general.  This summer, because I tried so many new things, I had an overload of feeling out-of-place, out-of-body.  It just culminated to an outburst last week that I just had to get that out of me.

Since writing that post, I have been able to move on and feel like people wanted to have contact with me again.  I would hate for anyone to think I was mad at them, especially those who love me and do their best to let me know I belong in their world (a tough task sometimes).


At the same time, I felt notoriously trapped in a body I have never really liked.  Seeing a shot of me taken by a friend and wondering if that was how everyone saw me all the time (and if they were okay with that why wasn't I?) upset me.  At the time, I liked what I was wearing and thought I was looking more mature.  And then I see a shot that challenges my self-image, and I wasn't emotionally ready for it.

I'm also dealing with getting older.  A while ago, I was walking in my new clothes past teenagers, who very visibly and audibly laughed at me as I was walking by.  I figured they wrote me off as some Homer Simpson type of character (didn't help that I was carrying takeout for three).  More fuel for my emotional fire.

I'm not blowing  up at the picture or the person who took it.  I'm trying to own it.  I haven't ever asked anyone to take down or detag photos of me because I have to own them.  I take so many pics of other people that I would be a hypocrite if I ever made that request. I don't want people to not take pictures of me.  I want to feel good about who I am.  And during summer, a time when I sweat ten times more than I already do, it's tougher to feel that way some days.

I'm sorry, loved ones. The post was cathartic, and I don't want to take it down, but I will link this post to it for clarification.