I Dunno...

Given how New York voted full Antifa recently, I'm not sure the message works. 

Go Red Sox, I Guess

Because a riot of victorious white sports fans in the streets after months of feeling enraged over being semi-compliant over minor inconvenient mandates is JUST what my fall seasons needs.

Red Sox in Playoffs Haiku

If these bastards win

could be January 6

all over again.

IDGAF, but...

Flemmings Beaubrun gives his thoughts in the wake of the Red Sox winning the World Series. Check out the latest Epic Autism Report at Oddball Magazine.

About Boston's Public Transportation: A Quick Guide for The Newbies

Welcome to Boston all you brand new students, grad students and professionals (as well as any recently relocated lost souls). I hope you're enjoying the city's public transportation. I feel it's my duty to give you all the quickets of primers.

And if you're one of those tl;dr types, then at least the above picture will save you a ton of aggravation. I'm just happy to be of help. Let's move on, shall we?

Boston Tips 101

For those of you new to Boston, whether it's for school or your new job, remember this information:

This information will save you tons of aggravation. There's still enough weeks in the season that tons of Red Sox lemmings can ask you this.

And none of them will ever see this sign.

Fresh Air

Normally, a Red Sox game would be going on.

But today? Silence.

Hell, yeah, I'm gloating. I can't remember the last time I was able to!

This Week's Silver Lining

Oh, thank God.

Next Wednesday, I get to walk through Kenmore minus the lemming traffic.

Swimming Upstream

Unexpectedly, thanks to poet and journalist Susie Davison, there was a voice of discontent about Red Sox fever.

The kind of response she got, unfortunately, is the kind you would expect.

All's Well That Ends

Whew. Got that over with.

And I'm sure the rest of the city can do without this for another week.

Coming up next:

Another parade!

Another bag check announcement!

Another Red Sox player moves to New York!

Dear Red Sox Fans: Read This Before You Riot

In a post last year, relieved that Red Sox hysteria was avoided again for another year, I wrote the following haiku:


To All Red Sox Fans:
Come back in eighty-four years.
Signed, Boston Red Sox.


About two weeks ago, with the current fever in swing, I wrote this one:


Dear Boston Red Sox:
You win, we'll fuck up this town.
Signed, all the Red Sox fans.


Now it's game seven, and as of this writing, it's still unclear whether the fever will continue or everyone will be extremely disappointed. Whatever happens, I can do nothing but ask the mob for mercy.

All I'm saying to you dedicated types is, before you start rampaging out of rage or joy tonight, or possibly later, please remember the name Victoria E. Snelgrove.

And try not to act like such morons.

Annoying Thoughts

because I'm all over the place and I need to get rid of my writer's block...

I can't understand the latest craze of combining two candy bars and selling them under one wrapper. Makes as much sense as chocolate covered oreos.

It's going to end badly when someone chokes on a Snickers/Milky Way combo.]

.....

Befitting of the reactionary bones in America, everyone's apparently offended about a film that hasn't even come out yet. Death of A President depicts a GW fallen by a sniper attack. Thanks to computers, his head is added on to an actors.

Too bad they couldn't have invited GW onto the set for real and hope for a Brandon Lee type deal.

.....

I love (sarcasm) how journalism shows how effective it can be.

Case in point: the news reports from the last two days over the dropping gas prices. Everyone's going wow, it's finally cheaper. But then, one or two people with a mike ask why the high prices and why the sudden drop, and one women asked just blames gas companies, and another blurts something about the summer, and these are all interesting points, and you can almost hear the journalists go, wow, someone oughta investigate that, ask some questions and grumble *cough* grumble oh WOW the gas is finally cheaper! Isn't that lovely?

.....

I'm tired of reading anymore comments about a "Boston Massacre" in reference to the Boston Red Sox record this year. Why don't we take time to remember something that could really be compared (at least more than any game) to a Boston Massacre?

And maybe more police and fans can remember that when the next time comes around, not to act like assholes.

In the meantime, spend your set aside Red Sox 2006 World Series jersey money for this maybe.

Good Bye Baseball, Hello Urine Free Sidewalks

I'm neither a Yankees fan nor a Red Sox fan, but Red Sox fans are easier to make fun of than the religious right.

And so, in light of the Yankees' recent sweep and the hopes that the season will be over sooner than later, subway traffic will resume near-human levels again, and there will be no sanctioned riots for another year, a hopeful poem:

Haiku

To All Red Sox Fans
Come back in eighty-four years.
Signed, Boston Red Sox.

Annoying Thoughts Of the Day Presents: Red Sox

Any Red Sox fan stumbling here expecting to read insightful sports commentary should know three things right away:

1. This piece is most likely too all over the place, written for my enjoyment only.

2. I don't give a shit about the Red Sox, and yet...

3. I'm glad they lost. Now all you fans stop pissing all over Kenmore till next year.

A year ago, I prayed for the Sox' winning streak to end so I could ride the T in peace. A year later, my prayer has finally been answered.

Since Friday, the world is making sense again. Summer is finally taking a hint and leaving. My roommate situation is stable again and just might be for the whole year coming. Rove just might not get away with skullfucking Valerie Plame like he planned to next week, with Judith Miller documenting the event from start to finish (mind you, I said might). And, if we're lucky, one other person will raise an eyebrow to all the buddy shots of Clinton and Bush popping up lately and realize the two-party sham that exists in America.

One can hope.

Though not a sports fan, I have enough of them as friends and family that I've listened to (and even gone to games with) over the years. Through these experiences, I have come up with two theories that just may well become laws of the Boston Red Sox and it's fandom:

1. Every Red Sox fan either will hate, hates, or has hated every single Red Sox player in the team's history.

2. Every Red Sox player has to leave Boston and go to New York to make something of themselves. This goes up to and includes the 2004 World Series Champion Red Sox team.

My third theory might be that America is (slightly) better off when the Red Sox lose. I don't think the country could have taken a second year in a row.

Last year, with the Sox winning their first World Series in 86 years, reality was upheaved on top of the previous four years of upheaval. From there, Curt Schilling, living up his name, proceeded to whore for GW, who beyond all reason won four more years for the opportunity to turn the clock on the country back to Jesus' first birthday (trying to rush past the sixties, because why focus on old, unrealistic ideas, y'know?) while helping to destroy the place where his favorite philosopher supposedly came from. Oh, yeah, and also helping to destroy the source of Jesus' original fan base here at home.

I could go on from there, given that the above only covers October and a part of November, but do I really need to?

It must have been a Herculean effort for the liberal fans to see last year's world champs pose with Bush and not see something wrong. I wonder if any of them looked at that class picture from Hell and went "Oh, no, not like this. Don't have our day in the sun be like this!"

Sure it seems a little weird to expect good things to happen now that the Sox are no longer champs, but really, a lot of fans out there blamed the team's near-century long losing streak on Babe Ruth, a man who a) had done good things for the Sox (see Theory One), b) didn't want anything do with the Sox and probably had greater resentment towards New York, and c) was probably too busy drinking and whoring to ever utter a curse let alone one that would span generations.

With that in mind, am I really making that much of a stretch in most Sox fans' belief systems?

For a long time, I have noticed the sheer fanaticism and society's willingness to take advantage of it and them. Massachusetts people should remember that we do come from a puritanical, zealot history, and even in a so-called liberal haven, that part of our past seems to pop up in modern life from time to time. If it isn't funding terrorists in Ireland, it's a few thousand Sox fans going, "Celebrate our team's win like complete savages until someone dies? Sure."

Now, you might be thinking that a great deal of that crowd (like the gang of idiots that gathered after the Patriots' Superbowl victories) were likely out-of-state students who never cared about the Sox before that. Well, I agree, and that's what fanaticism can do to people who even just watch from the sidelines.

You would think Baseball officials or so-called moral majorities would have called for at least a postponing of the World Series while those people thought of what they were doing in this city. But no, this devoition was either too shared and/or profitable to delay.

Maybe in the future, ten years or a hundred from now, when there are other Red Sox victories to overshadow this one, people might look back on this year with some shame. I, for one, find it embarrassing that in such an important year for our country, young people were noticed more in Massachusetts for gathering in the streets over something comparatively trivial.

Maybe a whole new curse is upon us: the curse of Snelgrove. Then again, fans would have to blame themselves instead of New York. And most probably don't even remember who that was.

When you think about it, the Salem Witch trials pretty much had people dying over less than nothing, with people probably even more embarrassed over the frenzy. Look how that turned into a tourist trap.

More likely, we'll see something erected to commemorate the lifting of the curse yadda yadda. And Ben "I am so a Bostonian" Afleck will narrate it.

(Apologies to my Red Sox fan friends. I do this so I can keep quiet when I'm around you. No, none of you would cause a riot knowingly. Yes, I know some of you wanted to vote for Bush before Schilling. Don't make me read my sestina about the damned New England Patriots.)

Annoying Thought of the Day

I actually appreciate the strategy of the Red Sox. The more they stay in the post-season, the longer their games are.

At this point, by the time they make the series or lose, it will be 2-3 in the morning. Not enough awake people to riot.

Yay. I can stop worrying about my city burning down for another year.

Plea

Jim and the others are going to kill me for saying this, but I'm sick and testy. So here goes...

Will the Red Sox just fucking blow it all already like they usually do so I can ride home on the T like a normal human being again at night?

I know Fenway goers are already used to being packed in until their bones get permanently warped, but still, you'd think they'd be nicer to those who appreciate beer fart free oxygen.

I've resolved to commute from my family's house if there's ever a World Series. Or my friend's house in Rhode Island. It will be easier.