Sarcastic Haiku 54: Storm Warning
The apocolypse
comes to those who believe it.
Red states must be glad.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
It's Up
The Stone Soup web site is finished. Tim Martin doesn't know it yet, but I owe him for being able to look over at his blog and see how he edited it. We used the same template and both attempted to screw with it. Only difference is that he was successful, and I only was after I cribbed his notes.
Click here to visit it and get a link to join the Yahoo! group.
Click here to visit it and get a link to join the Yahoo! group.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
New Hay(na)ku
The poem's obligatory shout out to form inventor Eileen is below this sentence.
(Heeey!)
The poem is below this one.
The Genius of My Messy Desk
Stare
long enough,
See the sailboat.
(Heeey!)
The poem is below this one.
The Genius of My Messy Desk
Stare
long enough,
See the sailboat.
New Online Poetry Magazine
Check out Fringe's pre-first issue website here, then hurry to submit before next month.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Bare Bones: First Look At The Stone Soup Site
The Stone Soup Poetry blog still needs some images and links. Lots of both, actually. I'll be alerting both the venue bosses and the people who signed up for the newsletter once the blog's finished. Those of you who are really interested in attending or featuring can check it out early here.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Stay Tuned
Back from a quick getaway.
Foetry piece is in the home stretch.
"Commedian" essay is in the beginning stages. I would love to finish it before I see "The Aristocrats." Jon Haskell, if you are reading this, call me. We can set up a time to see it (if you haven't already). No, I do not want to see "Fantastic Four."
I want to debut the Stone Soup blog tomorrow, whether it's 12:01 a.m. tonight or sometime tomorrow night.
More importantly, I want to start looking for new features--especially for the vacant Labor Day post. Email me if you're interested (note: after the blog debuts, there will be a separate Stone Soup address).
Most importantly, I'd like you to come and help keep the venue going.
More later. I'm off to host tonight's show.
Foetry piece is in the home stretch.
"Commedian" essay is in the beginning stages. I would love to finish it before I see "The Aristocrats." Jon Haskell, if you are reading this, call me. We can set up a time to see it (if you haven't already). No, I do not want to see "Fantastic Four."
I want to debut the Stone Soup blog tomorrow, whether it's 12:01 a.m. tonight or sometime tomorrow night.
More importantly, I want to start looking for new features--especially for the vacant Labor Day post. Email me if you're interested (note: after the blog debuts, there will be a separate Stone Soup address).
Most importantly, I'd like you to come and help keep the venue going.
More later. I'm off to host tonight's show.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Birds and Blood: Two Capsule Movie Reviews
Lynne and I only had intentions of seeing one movie last Saturday, but we got to the theatre too late. So, rather than drive all the way back only to come back for the latest showing (Lynne really wanted to see the movie, and this was probably our last chance), we decided to look for any movie that was starting shortly and ending before the last showing of the one we originally tried for.
And from that decision comes two reviews I just had to have juxtaposed on a single post.
March of The Penguins
Finally, a documentary that will make your parents shut up about how tough things were when they were just starting out.
Seriously, these penguins have it rough, and following their grueling mating ritual makes for a very inspiring story any human can appreciate. Especially women, who no doubt take note of the male penguins' necessary role in ensuring an unhatched egg's survival. That's what I call a partnership.
I'm curious as to what the original narration is like . The original French version reportedly gives voice overs to the penguins. Given that the narrator for the American version is Morgan Freeman, I'm glad that didn't carry over to the US version. Once I saw when Freeman tried to pay tribute to Mark Twain Award recipient Richard Pryor by attempting to do voices (okay, a voice) in Pryor's style, and it didn't really work. Freeman's a man of many talents, but mimicry isn't one of them. His trademark voice and tone work nicely enough here.
I'll tellya, I'll never read the Opus strip again without thinking that the title character is an unappreciative crybaby. Berkeley Breathed doesn't know shit about penguins, man.
The Devil's Rejects
Okay, Lynne really wanted to see this, but so did I. We were both impressed by Rob Zombie's House of A Thousand Corpses film, which was an homage to the 70's no-hope-whatsoever style of horror flicks. Once Rejects ended, Lynne was very disappointed and said a few words about (uh) Zombie wearing too many hats and not having enough good people around him. Reading some of the online reviews days later, I think she let him off lightly in comparison. I'm still trying to figure out the film, and I'm determined to write this before scanning for any Zombie interviews that might list the intentions he had with the movie.
On one hand, I thought it was a gutsy move on his part to basically change the storyline midstream, removing what was apparently inconvenient to him (Lynne kept asking where the hell the underground lab with Dr. Satan went to) and going in an entirely new direction with what were more or less the same characters. On the other hand, I've searched for the possible reason behind such a move, and nothing has really come to mind.
It's like Zombie envisioned his characters to be malleable like cartoon characters. You know, the way Bugs Bunny can work either in a soldier's uniform or a knight's suit of armor, and no backstory is needed. With flesh and blood actors playing evil bastards with more depth to them than the typical Jason/Michael Myers type of killer, it's not so easy. In fact, Zombie just might have proven that it's impossible to do.
Zombie changed from the first movie's style to one that gives an obvious nod to The Hills Have Eyes (obvious even without a cameo from one of the actors from the film). One reviewer even brought up the infamous I Spit On Your Grave (which I admittedly have never seen). Still, I'm reminded most about Natural Born Killers. It seems like Rejects is what Natural Born Killers would have looked like if idea man Quentin Tarantino wasn't saved by Oliver Stone, who attempted to give the story a moral compass and was only partially successful.
Rejects almost seems meta, like four movie villains who strayed from the original story and go out searching for a hero or at least some worthy victims. They don't seem to find any, which makes the story drag on longer than it should have.
But all these thoughts are, when you get down to it, merely attempts to try and piece together something that is a mess compared to the solid first effort by Zombie. Having seen this, and remembering that a director's version of House never emerged as Zombie initially promised, you get the sense that maybe Zombie needs a really good editor all the time.
And from that decision comes two reviews I just had to have juxtaposed on a single post.
March of The Penguins
Finally, a documentary that will make your parents shut up about how tough things were when they were just starting out.
Seriously, these penguins have it rough, and following their grueling mating ritual makes for a very inspiring story any human can appreciate. Especially women, who no doubt take note of the male penguins' necessary role in ensuring an unhatched egg's survival. That's what I call a partnership.
I'm curious as to what the original narration is like . The original French version reportedly gives voice overs to the penguins. Given that the narrator for the American version is Morgan Freeman, I'm glad that didn't carry over to the US version. Once I saw when Freeman tried to pay tribute to Mark Twain Award recipient Richard Pryor by attempting to do voices (okay, a voice) in Pryor's style, and it didn't really work. Freeman's a man of many talents, but mimicry isn't one of them. His trademark voice and tone work nicely enough here.
I'll tellya, I'll never read the Opus strip again without thinking that the title character is an unappreciative crybaby. Berkeley Breathed doesn't know shit about penguins, man.
The Devil's Rejects
Okay, Lynne really wanted to see this, but so did I. We were both impressed by Rob Zombie's House of A Thousand Corpses film, which was an homage to the 70's no-hope-whatsoever style of horror flicks. Once Rejects ended, Lynne was very disappointed and said a few words about (uh) Zombie wearing too many hats and not having enough good people around him. Reading some of the online reviews days later, I think she let him off lightly in comparison. I'm still trying to figure out the film, and I'm determined to write this before scanning for any Zombie interviews that might list the intentions he had with the movie.
On one hand, I thought it was a gutsy move on his part to basically change the storyline midstream, removing what was apparently inconvenient to him (Lynne kept asking where the hell the underground lab with Dr. Satan went to) and going in an entirely new direction with what were more or less the same characters. On the other hand, I've searched for the possible reason behind such a move, and nothing has really come to mind.
It's like Zombie envisioned his characters to be malleable like cartoon characters. You know, the way Bugs Bunny can work either in a soldier's uniform or a knight's suit of armor, and no backstory is needed. With flesh and blood actors playing evil bastards with more depth to them than the typical Jason/Michael Myers type of killer, it's not so easy. In fact, Zombie just might have proven that it's impossible to do.
Zombie changed from the first movie's style to one that gives an obvious nod to The Hills Have Eyes (obvious even without a cameo from one of the actors from the film). One reviewer even brought up the infamous I Spit On Your Grave (which I admittedly have never seen). Still, I'm reminded most about Natural Born Killers. It seems like Rejects is what Natural Born Killers would have looked like if idea man Quentin Tarantino wasn't saved by Oliver Stone, who attempted to give the story a moral compass and was only partially successful.
Rejects almost seems meta, like four movie villains who strayed from the original story and go out searching for a hero or at least some worthy victims. They don't seem to find any, which makes the story drag on longer than it should have.
But all these thoughts are, when you get down to it, merely attempts to try and piece together something that is a mess compared to the solid first effort by Zombie. Having seen this, and remembering that a director's version of House never emerged as Zombie initially promised, you get the sense that maybe Zombie needs a really good editor all the time.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
After The Reading
Tonight was the Highway Poets gathering at Stone Soup. I wish I finished the web site for Stone Soup. There might have been even more people there if I advertised on it. Still, it was a pretty full room and a great show with strong open micers, including a last minute performance by Bill Barnum.
I recommend checking out the Highway Poets web site to get to know them better. The quality of the work was a little uneven here and there, but the deliveries of certain poets made up for that in spades.
Members like Peddlar and Colorado T. Sky really had fire tonight. It's nice when people go to a poetry reading actually interested in reading and listening to poetry. I've been to one too many readings lately where the poets don't even seem interested in their own work, let alone the work of someone else. And these poets biked hundreds of miles just to read to us.
Local Marc Goldfinger did a good job as well, reading an excerpt from a new novel, which I hope gets published on the basis of the single excerpt we heard.
Best moment came from a haiku by Sky, which I quote in its entirety below (taking liberties with punctuation to try and get across how I heard it read):
History repeats
itself. It has to. People
don't. Fucking. Listen.
I recommend checking out the Highway Poets web site to get to know them better. The quality of the work was a little uneven here and there, but the deliveries of certain poets made up for that in spades.
Members like Peddlar and Colorado T. Sky really had fire tonight. It's nice when people go to a poetry reading actually interested in reading and listening to poetry. I've been to one too many readings lately where the poets don't even seem interested in their own work, let alone the work of someone else. And these poets biked hundreds of miles just to read to us.
Local Marc Goldfinger did a good job as well, reading an excerpt from a new novel, which I hope gets published on the basis of the single excerpt we heard.
Best moment came from a haiku by Sky, which I quote in its entirety below (taking liberties with punctuation to try and get across how I heard it read):
History repeats
itself. It has to. People
don't. Fucking. Listen.
New Contest From Eileen Tabios and Meritage Press
WINEPOETICS' SUMMER PLEASURE POETRY CONTEST
Deadline: August 30, 2005
No Submission Fees
Email submissions within the body of email to GalateaTen@aol.com
Submit 1-2 poems to a "pleasure-able" poetry contest sponsored by The Chatelaine's Poetics (http://chatelaine-poet.blogspot.com) and Meritage Press (www.meritagepress.com). No restrictions on form or interpretations of "pleasure."
Check out Eileen's site to view the list of prizes, which seems to grow with each passing day.
Deadline: August 30, 2005
No Submission Fees
Email submissions within the body of email to GalateaTen@aol.com
Submit 1-2 poems to a "pleasure-able" poetry contest sponsored by The Chatelaine's Poetics (http://chatelaine-poet.blogspot.com) and Meritage Press (www.meritagepress.com). No restrictions on form or interpretations of "pleasure."
Check out Eileen's site to view the list of prizes, which seems to grow with each passing day.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Shout Outs
Thanks to editor Laurie Graves for accepting one of my poems for next year in Wolf Moon Press.
And to Shanna Compton for linking to me on her DIY blog. I am flattered, given that she must have not only read my book but...
a) liked it enough, even though there are no sarcastic haiku in it.
b) saw all the names of those who helped me and still labled it a DIY project.
And to Shanna Compton for linking to me on her DIY blog. I am flattered, given that she must have not only read my book but...
a) liked it enough, even though there are no sarcastic haiku in it.
b) saw all the names of those who helped me and still labled it a DIY project.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Wish I'd Known At The Time
Poems For All is a pretty cool concept. A single poem is distributed like Jack Chick tracks in places where it could do the most good (culturally speaking). Past poets in the series include big names like Allen Ginsberg and Pablo Neruda as well as familiar small press staples like Doug Holder.
An old poem of mine, "To Bob," was distributed back in December, 2003. I just found out about it now.
Did anyone ever see it (he asks futilely)?
An old poem of mine, "To Bob," was distributed back in December, 2003. I just found out about it now.
Did anyone ever see it (he asks futilely)?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Yeah, I Was Late With Sending Out The Rent, Too
Poem of the month is finally updated, and my choice for August goes along with the can't-wait-for-fall attitude I've been sporting since late June. And it gives another tip of the hat to Eileen Tabios for featuring my work in her column (which the link goes to.).
Poem of the month is finally updated, and my choice for August goes along with the can't-wait-for-fall attitude I've been sporting since late June. And it gives another tip of the hat to Eileen Tabios for featuring my work in her column (which the link goes to.).
Call For Submissions
News aplenty tonight and later this week. Here's the first of them.
Felipe Martinez, who co-heads Cozmic Orange Pres with my girlfriend, Lynne Sticklor, is staring up a new print poetry publication and has only been using word of mouth to get submissions. I'm trying to help change that.
The title for the publication has not been decided yet. In fact, the only two certain things are who he has to help him put it together (not Lynne this time--she's way to busy) and that the magazine will accept work previously published on my blog. The rest of you poet blogophiles should take notice of that.
Email him at cozmicorangepres@aol.com with your work and tell him I sent you.
News aplenty tonight and later this week. Here's the first of them.
Felipe Martinez, who co-heads Cozmic Orange Pres with my girlfriend, Lynne Sticklor, is staring up a new print poetry publication and has only been using word of mouth to get submissions. I'm trying to help change that.
The title for the publication has not been decided yet. In fact, the only two certain things are who he has to help him put it together (not Lynne this time--she's way to busy) and that the magazine will accept work previously published on my blog. The rest of you poet blogophiles should take notice of that.
Email him at cozmicorangepres@aol.com with your work and tell him I sent you.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Annoying Thought of the Day
LAUNCHcast on Yahoo was something I discovered after becoming tired of my CD collection and frustrated over the local radio stations getting screwed out of the internet. It helped me get acquainted with Miles Davis and create a world where Creed never existed.
Even despite its faults--still waiting for a Beatles and Lennon selection over here--LAUNCHcast has the potential to give you a better selection on your personalized radio station than any ten radio stations over two states (and I speak as someone who has driven from Massachusetts to Rhode Island pretty frequently throughout my life). They even had a good selection of spoken word albums to choose from. It's worth the small annual fee, I have to say.
So what's irking me? Well, recently LAUNCHcast finally added Bill Hicks to their library. And hearing him and Joe Rogan pretty regularly prompted me to try out something I never tried on LAUNCHcast: the specialty stations. Specifically the all-comedy station.
Ooooh. Big mistake.
Thanks to my fast-fowarding, I was treated to samplings from nearly all the Blue Collar Comedy library, at least five Comic Relief albums...and Jimmy Fallon.
Let me emphasize that last one. Jimmy Fallon. A man whose standup routine shows a complete lack of timing and wit. It only makes sense if you think you're listening to someone doing an impression of a comedian with a complete lack of timing and wit. Even then you might say he's not doing a very good acting job.
Not one single sampling of Hicks, Rogan, or even Richard Pryor (whose selection is almost five times that of Hicks and plays on my personal station constantly). Fallon? The same track, through multiple clicking, actually came up two or three times. I swear to you that this never happens to LAUNCHcast listeners on their regular stations, even if they pick the same track (one they actually like) three times off of three different albums. You're more likely to spontaneously combust than hear your same favorite song twice in an hour.
I'm glad LAUNCHcast has opportunities for people who know where to look. It just really bugs me that what they consider mainstream comedy could actually bore mainstream listeners.
I've been thinking about stand-up comedy a lot after watching the fascinating Comedian documentary with Jerry Seinfeld. I might actually do a piece related to that movie, if I can just get the rest of my essay ideas started and finished.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
New Strong Bad DVD
(Or: The Only Thing That Guarantees That This Week Won't Suck)
I'll be buying this gem from the Homestar Runner gang later this week.
If you've been visiting this blog for a while but still haven't hit my Homestar link, shame on you. Here, I'll make it easier for you. Click here, check out the "Characters" page for basic background, and then start alternating between the regular toons and the Strong Bad Emails. And hold down the tab button from time to time when they play. This helps highlight the secret "Easter Eggs" that lead to even more jokes. Yes, it's worth doing it.
Bonus (or Warning, depending on your tastes): they're very heavy in geek/eighties culture. If you were ever into Atari or karaoke, the Chapman brothers Mike and Matt will remind you with frightening accuracy why you loved this stuff as a kid and why we make fun of it today.
Emails 1-100 first helped make me a fan and also made me realize why Strong Bad at one point was more popular than the main character the site is named after. I see that changing now in the last year and a half. In emails 100-130, you can actually see Homestar fighting for his spotlight back--and succeeding, especially towards the end, and definitely with the hilarious email 130 "Do Over" (though it loses some of it's punch if you don't have knowledge of the characters or two of the first hundred emails).
In the beginning, Strong Bad had the advantage many villain figures have of being more interesting than the good guy. Homestar (the good guy only by default; Lynne loves the site but often calls HR a jerk, and it's hard to disagree) is now assuming the position of comic foil that Strong Bad kept coveted for so long. As a result, HR is often the funniest thing in most of the new emails. Whether any of this is intentional or not is beyond me, but who cares? I'm so hooked on this website, I'll be seeing Shakespeare references where none exist soon.
I should also state that even though all the emails are still accessible online for free, the DVD-exclusive extras (both visible and hidden) make them worth owning.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
I'll Try Anything
Dear God:
Remember the people you heard from a few months back praying for summer to come soon (as if you've ever skipped)?
You know, those people who annoyed me all of fall, winter and spring, saying they couldn't wait until it was so hot they'd be dripping head to toe in ball sweat--even the women?
You can check, but I think they're all melted now.
Yeah, melted. Or they just dropped dead for the heat. I forget which. We can search the web together later, if you want.
Anyway, even though I think it's cute that you've been on a roll giving halfwits what they want--since, oh, about, late 2001, if I had to guess--I think, you can let up now with the heat. Maybe even start working towards fall, if you can.
I mean, hey, it was funny that first week, with everyone hoping it was going to be so hot and sunny for the weekend that they couldn't do anything but sit on the porch with a tray of ice down their pants. But you know, c'mon...
Just a suggestion.
Your estranged bud,
Chad
Dear God:
Remember the people you heard from a few months back praying for summer to come soon (as if you've ever skipped)?
You know, those people who annoyed me all of fall, winter and spring, saying they couldn't wait until it was so hot they'd be dripping head to toe in ball sweat--even the women?
You can check, but I think they're all melted now.
Yeah, melted. Or they just dropped dead for the heat. I forget which. We can search the web together later, if you want.
Anyway, even though I think it's cute that you've been on a roll giving halfwits what they want--since, oh, about, late 2001, if I had to guess--I think, you can let up now with the heat. Maybe even start working towards fall, if you can.
I mean, hey, it was funny that first week, with everyone hoping it was going to be so hot and sunny for the weekend that they couldn't do anything but sit on the porch with a tray of ice down their pants. But you know, c'mon...
Just a suggestion.
Your estranged bud,
Chad
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