I had a rare moment of fun with this. At this point of my time with the comics website, I gave less and less of a flying f---. The site looked less and less like a source for clever comics discourse and more like a cosplay fetishist haven. My original title for this piece was "Obligatory Ben Affleck Post: A Tired And Weary Topic." The redundancy in the title speaks much of my feelings towards certain people's mindsets at the time.
I had zero investment in the DC Cinematic Universe, and it turns out that might have been down to good instincts. The original post got around a bit, even getting featured at a now-defunct Italian website. I have wanted to double down on my commitment to write intelligent essays, but I would love the time and venue to write goofy pieces like this too. One can dream. Originally September 13, 2013. Edited to protect the guilty.
Imagine our surprise when our website received a notice from the League of Marginal Comic Bloggers saying we would lose our membership if we did not comment on Ben Affleck staring as Batman in the next DC movie. We're still going to be on warning as it is just for the fact that our group resides in Boston and took this long to react.
In reality, I have no real opinion either way and barely had an "eh" come out of me when I first heard the news. Batman movies will continue to be made even if they put the cape and cowl on Zach Galifianakis. So, to fill some space and get our obligations over with, here's a (ahem) dream cast I've come up with regarding the upcoming Batman/Superman film, giving as little attention as possible to detail, logic, and actual facts of who is in the movie other than Affleck. Never too soon for a reboot these days.
Chad's Batffleck Dream Cast
Robin: Justin Timberlake
Commissioner Gordon: George Carlin
Harvey Bullock: Kevin Smith (okay, this is almost making too much sense)
Lucius Fox: Eddie Murphy
Joker: Prince (sadly, this isn't really a joke, coming from me)
Harley Quinn: Nina Hartley (they've been going down this road anyway--for a while--a good while)
Two Face: Seth MacFarland
The Penguin: Steve-O (runner up: Buddy Hackett)
Catwoman: Sean Young (tried harder than Halle Berry ever did).
The Riddler: Gilbert Gottfried ("Whaddya call a grown man who hangs out in a secret dwelling with a series of underage boys: The aristocrats?")
Superman: Jerry Seinfeld
Lois Lane: Courtney Love
Perry White: Lewis Black
Jimmy Olsen: Chris Tucker
Lex Luthor: Verne Troyer
Pa Kent: John Goodman
Ma Kent: Kathy Griffin.
The Parasite: Charlie Sheen
No Matt Damon. too easy.
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